Woah! Today is May 18th, it's my blog's birthday!

I can't believe it's been a year already after I switched blog-hosts. I was also surprised last year that my blog's going 
to celebrate its birthday - because I thought I'll be using it for a while, but I ended up having it as my necessity!

Well, before I transferred from Xanga to Livejournal, I've typed my blog's history - how I started. I've also typed down what goods it do to me. So what else could I put here?

Oh, I guess I've been thinking about this a lot that I forgot. XD

People had been saying that I'm a good writer - although I'm not perfect. Most of the time, I have typos, even if I double-check my entries. They also say that I should use it in a "little-more-productive" way aside from blogging. Yeah, making novels.

I have this sickness with novels. I've already created a lot of novels - I started them all but none got finished. They say it's good - the problem is I don't finish any of them.

Then I got to wonder if I really was wasting my time with blogging. I have this "creativity gauge" that runs low after I post my entries here - so afterwards, I'm no longer in the mood to make my novels.

But I realized that I already have a novel that I already started - although it's endless, I think it's the greatest novel I can make. My story, my blog. Yeah, this blog is the greatest novel I have written.

I wanted to publish it but I don't have the time. It's great as is - even with the errors and with my old posts, the poor grammar. It would show how much I grew, how much I changed, and how things go on with my life.

Truly, every person's life is God's masterpiece and I'm one of the very few in the world who get to write it down.

It's my blog's birthday today, and of course, I need to give a birthday present to it, right?

Well, I think I've shown it to my recent previous entries but it was suppose to be a surprise. Here goes anyway, I'm going to switch Blog-hosts! Yeah, I know, it's the same gift I gave when my blog turned 1 but it wasn't my fault why I found a good blog-host that would suit most of my taste.

I wouldn't say that LIvejournal is bad. Heck, why would I transfer here if it was? It just so happen that I found this new blog-host that suits my taste more - then I realized that my blog's going to have its 2nd birthday. And like last year in Xanga, I'm going to stop posting here but continue with my new blog-host. XD

I'm going to transfer to RODiary. And my blog is here: http://www.rodiary.com/alumit

Thanks to Livejournal! I really had fun!

Edited (September 28, 2008): RODiary.com has been deleted - proceed to the next blog in the series and know what happened.

It was Mother's Day yesterday. Yey~ A post about mom!

Mother's Day was fast approaching and I didn't have any good gift to give to mom - as I always do that during Mother's Day or any occasion. I was suppose to go to the mall but I didn't have enough time - and I got lazy. Then I 
remembered that mom was lately craving over a Mango Cake from a bakeshop. Tadah!

I got someone to buy the cake - although there was no Mango Cake, I knew she likes Chocolate Moose so I had it instead. Oh, and baking it myself was not an option - don't ask why. She was inside her room when the cake arrived with Happy Mother's Day with my name on it. XD

She was talking to someone on the phone, then I went it with the cake, she was surprised. LOL!

Then I realized that most of my friends didn't have a gift for their mom. I find that rather evil. I mean, they did their best to raise us up. It was the very least we could do. Anyways, people find me very close to my mom - it's as if she's my closest friend. I guess that's true - since Dad died, I became really close to her.

Some people actually envy me - if not, weirded out. Whenever mom calls, we have a tagline of I love you's~ at the end before putting the call off. I'm not ashamed though - I'm actually proud. Some people rarely say I love you to their mom. Although I don't do that very often, I still say it. XD

I found out that later that day when I gave the cake, mom got angry at one of our maids because she was being disrespectful and all. She was so angry, but they said that she cooled down almost instantly when she ate my cake.

Well, right now, I need your prayers for her because she has a heart disease - which I'll post about in the future.

Happy Mother's Day! I love you, mommy!

Some people are wondering what Cream Section means. As what I’ve heard, Cream Section is a system of having students with the same average bracket in one section. For example, people who are superior in academics are all in one section, while those who aren’t are all in one section as well.

Why am I talking about this? Well, because a rumor is spreading that they’re going to implement this system in school! I heard it from Pio. According to Pio, Miss Vergara – one of the most influential teachers in school – told Dana that Cream Section will be implemented, and that I would be Dana’s classmate. Yeah, she speficially mentioned that I would be Dana’s classmate. Tsk.

While Pio is enraged by this because he’ll have a tough competition, I’m delighted by it! Since I’m a natural elitist, I like it that way. It would be more exciting because there would be discrimination of sections – as if there wasn’t, anyways.

My closest friends – with high grades – will be my classmates again. Wouldn’t that be fun!? In Pio’s case, he’s going to be my classmate for three straight years, if that happens. The Coterie will be back again! A lot of things will happen, I’m sure.

Although Pio said that the chances are half by half, I’m expecting next school year to be fun – better with Cream Section on! A lot of people are against it, but I’m not. LOL! I’m such an elitist~

Well, they planned to implement Cream Section because the grade school is also implementing it. They are also trying out new systems – and probably, they figured out that the Cream Section would do just that even if it sounds unfair.

Personally, I support the system. With that, the not-so-academically-inclined people would not rely on others. They would strive. As for my case with the academically-addicted, this would also help me strive for the best since my competition is closer! Knowing myself, my ambitious glands would turn on again that would push me to reach for the top – again! And if I do that, it’ll be the toppest top! XD

And that’ll start in less than a month!

My previous entry was Donna’s e-mail to me. When I was opening my e-mail, I thought it was just another spam from some website as I always check my e-mail just to delete the spam.

But there, I found it. Topic: Alum.. from Donna Mazie Dela Cruz.

It was the only the only email I received. I didn’t know how long it lingered there before I was able to read it – because it didn’t matter anymore. They were her last messages to me. I guess nothing would change even if I reply in time.

Its almost-three years since I first met her, fell in-love with her, broke up with her and let her go. After that, I chased after her – but I was late, as I always am. Now, for the third time, I’m going to let her go again – although this is different. All those invaluable almost-three years of being with her are at risk. But what could I do this time? I’ve learned my lessons – to be able to let go.

Those were her messages to be back then – “please let go”. Those were the most painful words, and yet, they shook me to the realization that things are better if I let go – as God always has other better plans laid on the way.

Actually, up to now, I still don’t know what I would put here in this post. A lot of thoughts are running in my mind that sometimes, I couldn’t remember even one of them. Confused, yeah probably – because I never gave up something I want to keep without a fight. I don’t want to lose her, but I don’t know what to do to make her stay – because probably, there isn’t a thing I could do to stop her.

It’s for her own good as well. She has to move on, without any online disturbances. College seems a new and difficult place to her. She isn’t totally gone anyway – I thought she cut all the threads that link me to her. But she left things that I could still turn to – like her blog and maybe, her e-mail. Although she could easily cut those, I’m glad I could still contact her.

She really knows me – she told me not to wait, because she probably guessed I would, even until the end of time. Still, I trust she also knows that I’m that stubborn. I’ll wait. Not only online, but also in the real world.

Who knows but someday I might know her in real life without knowing that it’s her. She might know me as someone else. I wish that would happen. It looks like a far-off dream, but someday, it might come true.

A lot of people object with cyber love. Even I, now, object to it. It really seems foolish – it’s just an instant love. But when I met Maia Persephone in Geffen field four, and fell in-love with her and became her lover, I still didn’t have that kind of point of view. Whoever knew that it would turn out like this? Yes, I object a lot against cyber love. But I didn’t regret falling in-love with Donna. And if fate would allow, I would like to fall in-love again in cyber – but only with Donna.

The night that she said goodbye in chat, I still couldn’t stop myself from crying. I was already lying in my bed, by still, tears flowed from eyes and went to my pillow. My pillow got really wet, soaked in my tears. That night, I couldn’t do anything but to bring it out on someone – as I always believe that it helps. And so I brought it to Cola – my beloved guildmate in Ragnarok – on SMS. She also comforted me when I Donna said goodbye earlier – so she knows my story with Donna. She said couldn’t reply because she has a low supply of load, but that was fine by me. I told her on SMS:
I just couldn’t sleep because I keep on crying. My pillow’s already wet. I couldn’t help remembering that Donna said goodbye to me awhile ago and that I might not be able to see her anymore. It’s as if someone died. Maybe I’m dying too. I couldn’t help remember those moment I had with her through the years. June is coming and it’s her birthday on the first. She said goodbye on May first. She didn’t even wait for a month so I could greet her. I wish what my friend said is true (Shinshinovi Kim). She’ll try to come back or tell me the reason why she needs to leave, at least. I just don’t want it to end this way. We picked friendship over lock for it to last but it ended quickly. I wasn’t even able to see her in real life. She means a lot to me, that’s why I’m crying this much. I couldn’t help but wonder if I did something wrong. I know I did a lot of wrong things but she’s forgiven them already. Or maybe she grew tired already. I’ve asked forgiveness a thousand times and she answered them a million times. Suddenly, I realized how thin the thread I hold with people I met online that she was able to cut them off easily.

After that, I cried myself to sleep. Yeah, she did explain to me why she’s going away – and she left me a piece of her existence online.

I’m probably the most affected by her leave online. Even if she’s not around anymore, I’m going to celebrate the twenty-first of October, and the twenty-seventh of December – alone. I hope she’ll celebrate those days as well.

First Love by Utada Hikaru is a nice song. I know it seemed random just to put it here, but if you translate the song into English or any language you understand, it has a nice meaning. Everything I want to say to Donna is with that song. It’s as if I wrote the song myself.

First Love by Utada Hikaru (translation)

Our last kiss
tasted like tobacco
it had a bitter and painful fragrance.

Around this time tomorrow,
where will you be?
And who will you be thinking of?

You are always gonna be my love,
even if I fall in love with someone else again someday.
I'll remember to love
you taught me how.
You are always gonna be the one.
This will remain a melancholy love song,
until my heart can sing a new one.

Time that once stood still
is about to move again.
There's many things that I don't want to forget about.

Around this time tomorrow,
I will probably be crying
because I will probably be thinking of you.

You will always be inside my heart.
There will always be a place in my heart just for you.
I hope that I have a place in your heart too.
Now and forever you are still the one
This will remain a melancholy love song,
until my heart can sing a new one.

You are always gonna be my love,
even if I fall in love with somebody else again someday.
I'll remember to love
you taught me how.
You are always gonna be the one.
This will remain a melancholy love song,
now and forever.

I’ll wait – even if she doesn’t come, I’ll always wait. Those memories that she left with me is enough for me not to forget her until the end of my life. I’ll miss her.

I’ll always love you, Donna.

Alumit,

          I'm really sorry that I just left like that the other day, without even saying a proper goodbye. My decision to leave has nothing to do with you, you didn't do anything wrong. There are reasons but I cannot clearly explain it to you, but I still hope you'll understand. Even though this has nothing to do with us, I think it'll be better if we'll stop seeing each other online. I know it sounds irrational, and I'm sorry. I just want to fix myself. I've been spending a whole lot of time in the online world, and it's not making me feel any better. I've experienced a lot in this virtual world, and I've been hurt too much. I do not know why it would always happen to me.

          I'm keeping my blog because, like you, it's the only one thing that could listen to me any time of the day. Don't wait for me anymore... I won't come back. thank you for the friendship and for the love. I just want to assure you that this is not your fault.

                                                                                                                                                   Donna

Alumit Timandre: Wow. I've seen you online again. XD
Donna: yeah.
Alumit Timandre: Could I bother you? XD
Donna: yup.
Alumit Timandre: Have you seen this? XD
Alumit Timandre: <Link removed>
Alumit Timandre: New blog for my blog's 2nd birthday. Yey~
Donna: Ohh. RO Diary? Sounds nice.
Alumit Timandre: Yeah.
Alumit Timandre: Oops.
Alumit Timandre: Wrong link. LOL!
Alumit Timandre: <Link removed>
Donna: I need to go.
Alumit Timandre: I've found this when I was younger, but I didn't appreciate it back then.
Alumit Timandre: Oh okay.
Alumit Timandre: n_n~
Donna: Samuel.
Donna: I won't come back.
Alumit Timandre: How come?
Donna: Thank you for everything.
Alumit Timandre: O_O

I don't know what happened. This just happened a while ago. I haven't seen her online lately then I see her online. Then she tells me this. I'm so confused, I don't know what to do. Please don't leave, Donna. I need you now more than ever.

I really hate it whenever I can’t update my blog. Yes, my blog is one of my sources of strength, the only one thing that could listen to me any time of the day, any day of the week or any time of the year.

It’s one of the things that I run to whenever I feel happy or lonely or whatever emotion it is. I tell to it my secrets, what’s making me happy and what irritates me. Everything! It might sound crazy but, my blog is like a living thing for me, a person who is always there to cry unto and will not complain even if I wet its shirt. It has become the wall that supports me since that very day almost two years ago.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m not really sure if it’s my yearly summer laziness or it’s because of those temptations online that kept me from posting or there are realities that I do not want to face and write on my blog. But there are times that I go deeper, the depths that are deeper than those that I even do not want to consider as a reality that I’m only escaping from – perhaps I lost interest or I no longer need my blog to get through world.

As quickly as I form it, I dismiss it. NO! That’s not the right answer. I could never survive without my blog. Some people look at it as a past-time. I say it’s my necessity.

I’m human, a teenager, no less. I need someone or something to express myself to. And like I said, my blog is something that doesn’t complain even if I show something negative. It allows me to realize it myself. Yeah, probably, because my blog is someone else I can rely to, but is me.

I’ve been missing some important posts since I entered sophomore life – all those fights and stitching up, all those birthdays posts that I want to make whenever someone has a birthday and whenever I want to appreciate him or her through my posts, all those events in school that I felt really happy and proud about because my class did its best to win. And I’ve been thinking of some idle thoughts about those – all containing same and different emotions. All those emotions filled up within me, and I hate that feeling because I wasn’t able to tell it to my blog.

I make a secret list of those posts that I wasn’t able to write. And honestly, I wonder if I’d be able to write all of those before my time runs out – before summer ends, and awaiting junior life starts. But I really want those out of my chest – all those pains, glories and idleness that have long passed but are still with me, tied as an unspoken burdens.

It’s almost going to be two years since the first day I relied to blog – that fateful 18th day of May, as I was seeking comfort from my love from Donna. My precious blog’s birthday is coming in fast, and I guess, I would have to post those unspoken words within me before its birthday as part of my gift to it. Part of the reason why I couldn’t post lately as well is because of this gift to my blog – I’ve been arranging it for that day. It’ll be a surprise~ LOL!

I strongly wish I could get the things that I need done be done before my time runs out. Well, I guess this ends this idle thought for my blog that already appeared as a post after typing it. XD